I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: I'm sensitive to hurting people's feelings and I have no idea how to say, thanks but no thinks in a diplomatic way. Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore. In fact, I think dudes I like who reject me as a prospective partner right up front are pretty sweet for having the nerve to just rip the band-aid off, and I have gone on to be good friends with some of them as a result. But I feel like a jerk when they say, "I remember you, I thought you were very charming, would you like to get a drink? Even though most people in the online dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work
I guess I'm a people pleaser.
Seriously, that's the kindest possible way to turn someone down online. This thread is closed to new comments. The idea that one shouldn't waste one's time or others' time on dates with folks who aren't perfect matches is kind of silly, too. I should have just said no. You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again. Not very many women in our culture are forward enough to ask for the date themselves for better and for worse usually for worse. By taking the counsel of a depressing number of mefites above, you would be actively making the world a shabbier, more broken place to live in where people have value to one another only if they can be of use.